Dog Sex

DOG NAMED 'SEX'    Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He`s a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, ''I`d like one too!'' Then I said,

''But this is a dog.'' He said he didn`t care what she looked like. Then I said, ''You don`t understand, I`ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.'' He winked and said, ''You must have been quite a kid.''

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.

He said, ''You don`t need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don`t care what you do.'' I said, ''Look, you don`t seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.'' The clerk said, ''Funny-I have the same problem.'' One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. ''But you don`t understand,'' I said, ''I had hoped to have Sex on TV.'' He said, ''Now that cable is all over the place, it`s no big deal anymore.''

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, ''Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.'' The judge said, ''This courtroom isn`t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.''

Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that`s not unusual. It happens to a lot of people.

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, ''What are you doing in this alley at 4 o`clock in the morning?'' I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.